You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
