What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
