I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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