im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
