mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
