I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
