I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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