I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
