Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
