ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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