I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
