man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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