God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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