So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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