I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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