Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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