I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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