if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
