im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
