I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
