I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
