my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
