dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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