I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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