New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
