I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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