He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i believe in u and ur pee
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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