Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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