so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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