I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
