you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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