i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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