He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
