'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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