Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I smell stomach acid.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
