there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize