I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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