oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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