Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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