i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
