Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
