Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
