If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
