Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
