): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
