youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
