College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Semen is not good for contacts.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
