At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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