I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
