I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
