Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
