Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
