Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
