She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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