It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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