I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
