Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
