3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
