It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
