He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
