if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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