hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
