Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
