i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
