I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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