i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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