Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
