There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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