he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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