she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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