piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
